October 9, 2012

The habit of uneasiness?

There are days like that when you just don't feel right and you can't put your finger on the reason. You keep digging your head. Is it the headache, the weight on the shoulders, not hearing from someone you wanna hear from, missing your bus, your car breaking down, your boss shouting at you, not getting your favourite meal? What is it that's making you feel so small? It may be all those reasons but it just doesn't seem to add up to how bad you're feeling. You try to rationalize  look for a reason big enough , to smile (as a test of how dark the cloud is) but even the idea of a smile is strenuous. You wonder, there have been worse days and you weren't feeling so low. It doesn't make sense, not at all...

This unease, dissatisfaction, sense of disillusionment has been around for quite some time now, you wonder if it hasn't been here all along, (at different degree of course). Do we all suffer from the habit of uneasiness because it's familiar? You think back about the last time you were genuinely happy, (not talking about gloating or ecstasy). Not because you won the lottery, not because you got a promotion, not because your favourite team won, but happiness without any particular reason other than your own existence. We often grow so accustomed to this dis-ease that we start to think of it as normal.  It is only on days like these when you can't figure out that it occurs to you maybe it is not normal...

We (I'm using we because I am no different) so often get caught up, entangled even in the Dos and Don'ts and the Whys and the Hows that we forget what is essential. How can we appreciate the ingenuity of that which is complex when we see fail to see the the beauty in the simplest of things? We run after things which we don't really need taking the most basic things given to us for granted. Then like myself, we complain about life lacking meaning, not having depth. What do we then do? We can either go to sleep hoping tomorrow will be a different day or we grab life by the horns and throw in some meaning in it! Exercise or some chocolate always work for me :)

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